First there was this:
24 Clear Signs You're a Mom
Posted: 11/05/2013 5:36 pm
Read more
Co-authored by Mark Simmons, co-founder WeMothers llc
We asked the moms of www.wemothers.com what it means to be a mom. Here is what they told us. You know you are a mom when:
1. Instead of running from projectile vomit, you run towards it.
2. You do more in seven minutes than most people do all day.
3. Happy hour has become the 60 minutes between your kids going to bed and you going to bed.
4. A night of drinking requires more recovery time than minor surgery.
5. A glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit.
6. You have mini-therapy sessions all day long with anyone who will listen.
7. Going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.
8. You can experience heaven and hell at the same time.
9. You think of physical pain on three levels: pain, excruciating pain and stepping on a Lego.
10. You have the ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors in the middle of the night, two bedrooms away, while your SO snores next to you.
11. You'd rather have a 103 degree fever than watch one of your kids suffer with it.
12. You'd rather go to sleep than have sex.
13. A 15-minute shower with the door locked feels like a day at the spa.
14. Peeing with an audience is part of the daily routine.
15. You use baby wipes to clean up random spills and the dash of your car.
16. You lock yourself in the bathroom and pretend to have diarrhea just to get a break.
17. You love Moms' Night Out and Date Night with the Hubs.
18. You have a secret chocolate stash because frankly, you're sick of sharing.
19. You've been washing the same load of laundry for three days because you forgot to dry it.
20. You realize you've been watching Nick Jr. alone, even though your kids have been in bed for over 30 minutes.
21. You can cook dinner, breastfeed, talk on the phone and yell at the kids, all without breaking stride or missing any of the TV show you are watching.
22. You get more excited about the Mini Boden Catalogue than J Crew's.
23. You decide to stick with your car for the next decade because a) you can't afford to switch and b) you haven't found a car wash that knows how to get all the milk stains and glitter removed.
24. By the end of the day, brushing your teeth feels like a huge accomplishment.
Then a blogger that I enjoy, followed it up with this
24 Clears Signs You're Not a Mom
And now for a post completely inspired by this article: "24 Clear Signs You're a Mom," which appeared on almost every Facebook momma's page this past week.
Nobody watches me go to the bathroom.
I have no idea what channel Nick Jr or Disney is on.
A "blowout" to me means a really big party, and not what happens to babies after they eat too many avocados or strawberries... I'll leave it at that.
I've never put on a clean shirt only to have someone spit up on it ten seconds later. (and not get mad about it.)
I don't understand the thrill of a miniature sized chair from Pottery Barn. Or why it's necessary to have your child's initials monogrammed on said chair. It's like we get it, the chair is for your kid, no one is going to try and sit in it I promise.
I've never gotten excited over someone going #2 in a toilet.
I don't have fruit snacks in my purse.
I've never bitten someone else's nails. And especially not their toe nails.
I haven't stepped on a lego since the early 90s.
I sometimes find trips to the grocery store kind of relaxing.
Vomit still makes me wince.
I don't take an iPad with me everywhere I go.
My windows don't have lick marks on them.
I get date nights about four times a week.
I've never stopped drinking early because I'm nervous the thirteen-year-old girl at my house watching my children will judge me.
I have no idea who this "Baby Einstein" person is.
I have time to blog.
I still get shy when I see a mom breastfeeding in public.
I do laundry about once a week. Sometimes less.
The only person I have to get ready is myself.
I've never picked someone else's booger.
Running a quick errand doesn't take fifteen minutes of prep time.
I take pretty long showers just for the hell of it.
I don't have even half the patience or selflessness that most of the moms I know do. So cheers to you, moms! Keep on raising better little humans everyday like you're already doing!
