* "We really don't need to take pillows and a blanket do we? I mean seriously are you going to lay down and act out giving birth in front of all these people? This isn't your high school drama club. By the way, I don't know if I can watch other people acting this out either."
* "Nicole, these people aren't going to be in Little B's playgroup. Remember how much we loved our pre-marital weekend?"
* "If it's not raining when we get done with lunch I think I'll go for a bike ride."
Stage 2: Nicole's Not Loving This
* Small group activities? Homework? Seriously? Oh and now you're going to have me watch a video. I really just want the basics. I know every person and every labor is different. I don't want the whole visual for myself, I certainly don't want other people's visual...4 times over mind you. I listened to the teaching video while inspecting the ceiling for cracks. Tim told me I had to watch and I quietly said, "be ready to leave when we break for lunch."
* Meditation huh. I'm already acting like a middle school boy and now you want me to get serious? Sure I'll get in this bean bag and get comfortable. Please have my "support partner" come with me. Tim, do you see all these other Baby Daddy's rubbing and massaging?
Instructor: blah. blah. blah. "We're going to go through the different places where you tend to hold tension. Let's start with your brow line. Mom's clench your brow line and now release it. Support Partner if you'd like, take your hand and brush Mom's brow line to help her relax."
Me: "Tim, whatever you do, don't touch my brow line."
Tim: "Hey, Yo, Eazy" (yup that's right instead he just started whispering old school rap lyrics).
There was no containing me or my laughter.
Stage 3: Grab the Pillows and Run!
Yes, that's right we're terrible parents. We've already failed and Little B is still cookin'! We left and we didn't go back! I felt guilty, I still do sort of, but... BUT - we had a productively, good weekend and that class really wasn't for us. I mean nothing against those people that LOVE being pregnant and are so wrapped up in all the books, ideas, stages and positions, but we're not those people. We do things our own way, make our own paths and will probably walk into the delivery room and let all the nurses know that they're about to have the time of their lives while they laugh at us as we grow through this adventure too.
Highlights....sorry if you feel it's TMI:
Tim: Wow, I didn't know you had a mucus plug. I learned something new.
Me: Do people just not wear clothes or robes while they're at the hospital anymore? I mean I get it, you're letting 17 people see every other part of you, but isn't there some room for modesty still?
Tim: So could you figure out how many of those couples were in "oops" situations?
Me: No I was too busy trying to figure out how many of them met online.
Tim: Do you think they sanitize the bean bag chairs?
Me: Do you think we're the first people to leave?
Tim: Are you kidding? Most of those guys in that class were like, "man that guys wife was cool, she wanted to leave too!"
No comments:
Post a Comment