This Time Around: Volume 6

Size of baby:  mini watermelon

Baby's size & weight:  20", 7.25lbs (at least)

Baby's development:

Nugget is developmentally ready, but continues to cook. :)

Maternity Clothes:  So. Over. Them!

Gender:  Still a surprise! (PS it's not too late to get your votes in!)

Movement: Lots! I was showing my sisters how my stomach moves in crazy waves as Nugget moves around and one of them was like, "OHMAGAH! Please make it stop! Stop doing that!" It made me laugh so hard. If I only had control of it.

Sleep: is happening in spurts. Between getting up to go to the bathroom, taking our old dogs out to go to the bathroom, moving positions to get more comfortable and adjusting the covers in between hot flashes there really isn't much room for sleep. :)

What I miss: So many things but mostly at this point it's not about what I miss it's about what I'm looking forward to.  If only I could figure out what I want first!

Food cravings: things that are easy, things that I don't have cook and things that are bad for me -- not a good combo!

Symptoms:  being sleepy, shin splints, leg cramps, random pains after sitting for a long period of time.

Cameron is:  very clingy with me right now. He may not have any clue how much is boat is about to be rocked, but he definitely knows that somethings going on with his Mama.

Tim is: ready for this baby too. He called me 3 times today wondering if I had gone into labor. I think he's ready for the waiting game to be over too, plus there's a few meetings that he wouldn't mind getting out of and this baby is pretty much the best "excuse" in the world.

What I'm looking forward to: sleeping on my stomach. having a glass of wine.  I'm looking forward to introducing Cameron to Nugget the most though. (True confession: I'm a little worried anxious about it too.)

Best moments:  We went to a wedding over the wedding and at times I felt like this belly was on display.  Not only did people ask when I was due, but when I answered "any day now", they would respond, "That's what I thought" or "It sure looks that way"!
Dancing at the same wedding and laughing at friends that specifically danced with my belly.
 
I get texts, phone calls and emails just about every day wondering if there is a baby yet. I love the love! Although, I do find some humor in the fact that people think that we could hide the fact that we've had the baby or not. I know we can be a bit sneaky and private but I promise we don't plan on hiding Nugget's arrival from anyone! :)

Lately...

Lately I am: trying my best to be patient for this baby.
Lately Cameron is: working on using the pedals on his tricycle, finding pockets on his clothes and playing with shadows.

Lately I am laughing at: my family and how funny they are while they try to be patient too!
Lately Cameron is laughing at: his Daddy and how silly he is!

Lately I am watching:  things that are mindless while I busy myself doing other things, or thinking about taking a nap! :)
Lately Cameron is watching: more Sesame Street and "hot dog" Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

Lately I am reading:  Insurgent by Veronica Roth

Lately Cameron is reading:  A Potty for Me, 1,2,3 Count With me, and Barnyard Dance
   

Lately I am loving: the spring weather! If only it would happen a bit more often on the weekends instead of just during the week.
Lately Cameron is loving:  being outside! Thank goodness Tim is a great artist because we have created a new game of drawing certain things on the driveway with chalk and then when we say one of them, we run to that thing and make the noises for it. Right now it's: airplane, helicopter, train, truck & car... Cameron's airplane is by far my favorite!

Lately I am eating: lots of snack-type foods, fruit and sweets - eeek! We must be towards the end.
Lately Cameron is eating:  more fruit - hooray!

Lately I am wanting: to travel but have someone else pay for it (how could I possibly do that with a newborn and a toddler though)! Nugget to get here so we can get adjusted and go back to all the fun! I know they say not to rush it all, but the infant stage is really my least favorite.  The thoughts in the back of my mind about what is coming with little sleep and spit up, bottles, etc. have me already wanting to zip right through.
Lately Cameron is wanting: to do everything on his own, but still wants to be held by Mama when he's had enough. Oy Vey!

Dear Nugget

Dear Nugget,
We're close. We're really close to meeting you.
Life as we know it is about to change all over again and you are taking some last sprints through my belly, I know because I can feel it. all the time.

Dr. A says that we can pretty much meet you any time we want after March 17th. You're measuring "ahead of schedule", but I'm not really surprised by this since we were all a little confused by your due date from the very beginning.  Things are progressing quickly, much faster than they did with your Big Brother at least.  It'll be interesting to see how many things are different this time around.

 There are so many people that are excited to meet you, this little family unit is first in line though.  Are you the tying vote in our Benton World or will you outnumber me completely and leave me behind on weekend boy trips?  Cameron and your Dad play at your bedroom door, they call out to you and knock to see if you will answer and then laugh hysterically when they open it and you aren't there.

I'm so anxious for you to get here. You make it pretty difficult to sleep a full night as it is right now, so I'd love to just have you here already!  Blankets are washed and diapers are ready for you so just finish those last little bits of cooking and all will be well.

My stomach looks like it's bubbling over most of the time because you are moving around so much and my veins must be pumping some insane amounts of blood because the blue against my olive skin is looking pretty gnarly.  I explained to friends the other day about my missing belly button and how where my belly button once lived there is now a small, soft circle of heat. I know that sounds strange but it's like little hot spot -- it's beyond strange!  I know you don't so much care about all of my silly pregnant ways Nugget, but some day these little notes might make you giggle.

I've kind of packed a bag for the hospital but I'm sure I'll repack it a couple of times.  I'm not sure really how to prepare myself for anything since your Big Brother was late and we had to convince him that he was ready on his birth day.  There's a wedding that's on the calendar in two weeks, but it's out of town and we're all a little curious if we should make the trip or not. On one hand a little dancing and laughing with friends at a wedding might be just the distraction that I'll need at that point in time, but on the other hand - I don't know that I want to find myself too far away from the comforts of a "big city hospital"!

I'll be spending the next couple of weeks trying to justify daily trips to 7Eleven for Slurpee's, constantly grabbing at the front of my shirt since most of them don't completely cover this big belly, and trying to talk your Dad into working on any "last minute" things that need to be finished before your arrival.

Thank you for being so patient and for cooperating during your stay in there. I know that it's going to be a little different being the second child, it doesn't mean we love you any less, it just means that we're not as antsy as we were the first time around.  I'll never act like I've got this down, because parenting just doesn't work like that.  I'll wait and pat myself on the back when you're 30 and I know that I didn't ruin you and your Brother...even then though I'm sure I'll question.

Some tips before your arrival into this crazy world:

Remember the house rules.
Talk it over and pray every night before you go to bed.
Be kind.
Patience is a virtue. One that we all struggle with, but it's so important - so practice it every day.
Life always comes back around; remember that in everything you do.
Take risks. But use your head and be cautious with your heart.
Family comes first. This includes siblings...you'll fight and argue, but you'll always have each other.
Always make time for laughter.
Love.

We'll see you soon Nugget.
I love you to the moon and back,
Mama

And We're Back...

Let's just say Parents know Best. 

I promise we didn't give up, okay maybe some people will think that we gave up and to that I say - fine, I gave up. I'll be the first to tell you that my emotions and my hormones are at an all time high, even more so then when I was pregnant with Cameron. Although I have been a parent for almost two years now (more if you count belly-time) and I'll say that even though I make decisions for Cameron every day, this one was by far one of the biggest ones thus far. We lasted 3 days at the new school. THREE. and just barely.

That first day I was a mess. an absolute mess.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - it's not about the hard drop off where he's crying at me because I'm leaving. That I can handle. It's about not getting any kind of warm and fuzzies from the people that I'm leaving him with.  It's about knowing your kid and knowing when somethings right and when something is wrong. More than that, it's about trusting your gut and I'm a firm believer in that.

I'm going to try not to talk bad about this specific school or any of the people associated with it, because other people might be fine with that routine or with that scenario.  Every parent and every child is different and that's ok. Does it make sense if I say, there's no room for judgement as I judge for my own child in this situation?  We just know that from where we were coming from, the school that Cameron was used to, there were more differences than I could count in what ended up a trial run and bottom line: it wasn't right for our family. period.

To keep this somewhat light-hearted and to not go into gory details about our experience or about the things that bothered us, I'm going to try and simply highlight some of our more comical reactions or thoughts on things (at least they're comical now).

Day 1:

Morning:

(Scene:  Cameron is freaking the F out because he's so unsure about his surroundings and the people there.)

Teacher/Director:  Is this Cameron's first time in day care?

Me: No, he just doesn't know you and he's a bit nervous.

In my head:  You do this every day right? You've seen a kid be uneasy before? Maybe you should help me distract him, or introduce yourself and let him get to know you?

-- 10 minutes of me playing on the floor with the entire class goes by -- 

Me:  So what's for lunch today?

Teacher:  It's a mystery.

Me:  hmm. okay.

Tim Picked Up...for his own viewing, but also because every time he called me throughout the day I would start crying again (seriously people - basket case).  When I got home that evening, the boys were outside playing. I asked him what he thought and Tim responded, "eh". So there you have it folks... the adjective best describing the place that we've hired to help us teach and nurture our child is "eh".  After a night of Cameron attached to my hip we put him to sleep and then chatted about the whole situation. I was concerned that my hormones were clouding my judgement, but more concerned that we were all hating it. I didn't want to be a quitter, but I didn't want my child to change or suffer from this change that we've put on him either.  I told myself we'd give it to the end of the week.

Day 2:

(Scene:  Morning Drop Off at 9am because of bad weather late start.)

Cameron walked in a little easier, but would not let me out of his sight. When we walked into the classroom he ran out of the room.  I followed him, and we talked about walking back in and going to play in the kitchen.  We walked back into the room and headed to the kitchen to play. The other kids swarmed us like zombies (or as Tim later called them - zoo animals). They were all searching for interaction and attention, craving it.  Then I sat there and read a book while the two teachers sat on their bums.

When I finally forced myself to leave, regardless of Cameron's tears -- I walked down the hall hearing Cameron scream for me as he fought the teacher at the door.  They wouldn't get up and help distract him or even try to help him adjust.  And yet again I lost it as I drove to work that morning. I called Tim and told him that I hated being a weenie; I never expected it to be that different of an environment.  We came up with a plan that Tim would again pick him up that night and drop him off the next morning to see what it was like and to make sure it wasn't just a "mommy thing".

Let's just say by Tuesday night at Tim's Birthday Dinner (whoo hoo adult conversation) we both were fed up and had already decided that he didn't belong there.  Call it giving up - I don't really care. I know that my kid was changing before my eyes and none of us were comfortable with the new set up. 

Wednesday morning after Tim dropped him off and we went to Nugget's Doctor's appointment (I'll fill you in a later) I got the official all clear/the family go-ahead to call his old school.  I had told them that I was going to give it a month - welp, I gave it 3 days. I called and said, "please tell me you didn't give up my spot!" The FABULOUS Director and Teachers had decided to hold it for a week at least, a few of them said they wished they had put money on our return. She told me that they would be thrilled to have Cameron back. She asked when we wanted to start back and I told her, "TOMORROW! Please just pretend that The Bentons were on a bad acid trip!"  Tim figured that since we'd paid for the week at the other location that I would fight through it, but at that point, I didn't care I wanted Cameron back to his home away from home. 

Today, when we walked in to what we now refer to as: the school where Cameron belongs, everyone hugged us and welcomed us with open arms. Cameron's friends were all smiles and hugging him too. It was perfect. I couldn't have asked for a better resolution.  I now feel like our family could be poster children for the school's marketing campaign. When Cameron saw his teacher yesterday he literally ran to her, like picture the field of flowers where the two people are running towards each other -- yea seriously, it was that moment. My boy was happy and we were back!

OUT-TAKES: 

*smuggling everything I could into his backpack at what was his final pick up from the other school because I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about the fact that we were completely running from this place. I finally decided that a few diapers weren't really worth it and just got the heck out of there.

*whispering to Cameron to not touch too many things because I felt like there were bad germs every where, especially on that one kid that none of the teachers would blow his nose

*What's up with the kid that always wears socks on his hands? I mean I'm all about different and exploring new things, but does he wear socks on his hands every day?

*The super awful nicknames that Tim came up with for some of the teachers and the school itself - we're so bad y'all.

*Tim calling to tell me that he basically told the other school that we were out and not returning -- and then he dropped the mic. He said she didn't really even question it, which tells me she obviously wasn't doing her job very well, or that she was surprised.

*My Grandmother telling me after the first day that I was too sensitive, but then having her calling me after the second day telling me that she had thought about it and that I should put Cameron back in his old school. That's when I told her he was already going back...seriously y'all, gut feelings!

*Telling his REAL Teachers that they had to help me get him back to his old self and that I was praying that I hadn't ruined him or scarred him for life. (Side note: they hadn't taken down any of his stuff...Everything was where we had left it, IT'S SO GOOD TO BE LOVED!)

* Oh and the partners in crime -- these two -- they're reunited!

So, to round out this rambling post -- I've learned so much from this particular lesson. In more ways than one. I'm grateful, thankful and so blessed beyond belief. We haven't come up with an exact plan of what to do for Nugget (which is why we were switching things up to begin with), but we have faith that it will all work out...because that's what happens, and if it doesn't we find a way. We deal and we find a way to make the best out of everything.  We're always growing from here.

Ch.ch.ch.CHANGES -- are so hard sometimes.

That's the way the song goes right?

The way the cookie crumbles?

The way we grow from here!

We're on the horizon of so many big transitions and this one was the beginning of it all. I know that we all have to learn from change, and this is just another tack on Cameron's many experiences, but it doesn't make it any less bittersweet. New schools are hard at any age - believe me, I know all about it!  I know he'll be fine and that we'll adjust and transition in time but the hardest part is saying goodbye to the people that we're leaving behind. 

I know that part of being a dual-working-family (I use that on purpose instead of just saying a working-mom because Tim totally counts in the scenario too) is giving the day-to-day care of your child(ren) to someone else.  It can be so difficult for some, and fairly easy for others (I think I sit in the fairly easy category). I'm not usually the Mom that cries as she leaves the day care, I'm the person that cries watching them accomplish something or catching them in a "growth moment" realizing just how far we've come, but add on a few prego hormones and it goes a bit further.  I've been so lucky and have made friends with the people that have cared for Cameron, from the time he was 6 weeks old really.  The people that we've had in his life have loved him and snuggled him, put up with his OCD and laughed at his drama.  Today was Cameron's last day at his current school before we move him to a new school where Nugget will eventually join him.  The final week at this school we've discussed the list that his teachers wanted to make for his new school to tell them all of the things that he likes and doesn't like, we've received all sorts of pictures and we've tried not to look each other in the eyes or talk about his last day directly. 

Miss Amy said things like, "make sure they know how particular he is" or "he doesn't like cream cheese on his bagel - do they serve bagels?" She wanted me to make sure that his new school did lots of story time and knew that when it comes to sticky textures it takes him a while to get used to them (frosting, paint, etc).

Miss Samantha told me daily that she will still babysit even though she can't be his teacher anymore. She wanted me to know that he gave the best hugs in the class and that she was going to miss dancing with him.

Miss Devon (Cameron's infant teacher) is probably the most upset because she was looking forward to getting another Benton. She'd whisper to Cameron almost daily for the last two weeks, "don't worry Cameron, you'll be back -- I just know it."

It's nice to be loved isn't it?  What's even better is knowing that your child is loved. 

We'll be on another adventure starting a new school Monday and there's all kinds of new butterfly's to prepare for. Even though we've visited, driven by and talked about it for the last month, I'm positive that Cameron will be anxious, nervous and scared since he won't know anyone...but this too shall pass and we'll grow from here. There will be new teachers to love on and new friends to make, however we will always remember the wonderful friends we made and the amazing teachers at the school that started it all and really helped Cameron grow.

It's funny how you can find yourself in situations where you never in a million years expect to connect with someone as much as you do, and then when it's time to say goodbye or to move on your stunned at how much you really do appreciate and like that person.  We sort of stumbled on to this school knowing it would be good, but I never expected to wave goodbye with tears in my eyes.  I promised Tim that Cameron and I would give the new school a month, but it's nice to know that we'll always be welcomed back to this spot because of the awesome relationships we've had with them.

Wish us luck on Monday, it's no crisis - but this prego Mama starts to have a little anxiety every time she thinks about dropping Cameron off at the new school. No matter how many times I tell myself that he'll be fine, that it'll be good for his character, that he'll be happy -- the other "friend" on my shoulder yells out Bu** Sh*t!

Enjoy your weekend!